No matter what gym I go to, there are always the most ridic people there doing the most ridic things. If only people knew what they looked like...not that I want to discourage anyone from going to the gym for the first time, but like I said before, if it looks feels wrong, it probably is. If you have questions about a how to do something at the gym, ask someone who works there. Like for real. Or if you're a girl, ask a guy. They looove to feel like they're helping the damsel in distress. I've been working out for 13 yrs and I still ask guys for help when I want them to do something for me. It's one of the many perks of being a female. And fellas, don't act like you don't looove feeling like you're needed. Besides, we both get something out of it: I get you to move heavy weights I don't feel like lifting and you get bonus points towards your ego. It's a win win for everyone.
With that being said, I don't really see women doing too many ridic things at the gym. My issue with them is attire. I can't even with chicks that wear makeup to the gym. You're clearly not their to workout, you're looking for a date. Sad thing is, a fit girl getting her workout on is often just as sexy as a non-sweaty girl with a face full of makeup. Not to be racist, but this rule almost exclusively applies to white girls. Almost everyday I spy with my little eye someone wearing copious amounts of foundation and penciled on eyebrows. Now I understand you're coming from work/school and whatnot, but that's what makeup removers are for. I keep a pack in my gym bag for that very reason. I can't be sweating in eye shadow. For one, eye shadow + sweat = stinging blindness. Second, you mess around and forget you have that ish on and go to wipe your face...wipe off one eye and be lookin' like a psycho the whole time you're at the gym while you think you look cute. Guys will be looking at you, all right. They'll be trying to figure out why you only put makeup on one eye instead of two.
Sistas aren't excluded from this entirely. I've seen ladies, typically older ones with lipstick on. I don't get that either. That ain't even comfortable outside the gym; you can't be focusing on not rubbing your lipstick off and lifting weights. One does not squat 1.5x their body weight and focus on lipstick unless one has magical powers. Chances are if a guy is looking at you, he's intimidated by the amount of weight you're lifting and not your bright red lipstick.
Ladies ladies ladies. One word: Spandex. We know why we wear it, and I say we because I'm guilty of this one myself. We want guys to see the payoff of all our hard work. I actually wear mine most of the time because t-shirts on upper body day are too restricting in the boob area, and I never to long pants at the gym because it makes my legs feel funny. Real talk, I do spandex shorts because they keep me from chaffing. But you...you wear it for non-valid reasons. I see you...overly tight shirts and yoga pants, both of which are completely dry because you're too busy trying to look good to do any real work. And the men folk notice you too. The funny thing is, and this really applies to white girls, you give the false impression of a booty in yoga pants, but when you slip on a pair of jeans, said booty completely disappears! I don't even know what happens, and real talk, I'd be pissed if that were me. This witchcraft you practice...this disappearing booty trick...it's hilarious to sistas. Don't change a thing. I certainly understand why white girls love the yoga pant though. If there was an article of clothing that could give me an extra body part I wasn't already blessed with, I'd own 91412 pairs of them too, shoot. I ain't even mad atcha.
Men, as I posted on the Book: You're much more impressive to women when you lift small amounts of weight well as supposed to large amounts of weight poorly. Granted, this is really only noticed to us women folk who know the proper way to do things, but still. You look like a baby deer lifting weight that doesn't belong to you. For example, the 3 upper class, frat boy stooges at the gym last night were a prime example of this: combined, they weighted 200 lbs. The oldest two insisted upon warming up with 135 lbs on the squat rack. Now, it's entirely possible for a slim fella to be able to lift this. However, said slim fella would surely know not to warm-up or come anywhere near his max. Folks, them lil' legs was wobbling so much...he wasn't even coming all the way down because he knew he couldn't get back up. That's a clear sign that the weight is too heavy. Ironically, the littlest fella was like, "ummm why are you guys starting with 45s??!". They shunned him but he was smart enough to change the weight when it was his turn. This grasshopper will go far in life. The other two fools won't. One of them will surely lose a knee in the future as his form was literally tow' up from the flo' up, and essentially wasted his time because half-assing a squat is basically doing NOTHING. And the Justin Beiber haircuts weren't helping the cause. I was LOLing all over the place watching them. The littlest one clearly had the most brains. He was telling them they had to go down at least another foot before they were actually doing anything. And he was right. He must have gotten all his gold stars in kinnie garten for listening and following directions.
As a (moderate?) buff girl who lifts for reals, I absolutely love watching guys watch me lift. Y'all do realize how mirrors work, right? If you can see me, there's a good chance I can see you. My favs are the ones that try to out lift me as though we're in this is some kind of unspoken competition. I'm curling 25s and you go grab 35s and strain your way to a torn bicep. Or the shoulder press...you know 45s are too heavy for you. Y U NO grab 25s? Just because I'm using 25 doesn't mean you can't. I use what weight is good for me, and I suggest you do the same. But if you insist upon "proving" your manhood, at least make sure I'm around to watch you make a spectacle of yourself.
Not properly lifting weights or lifting weight that is too heavy for you can cause serious injury and if you don't know that already, you shouldn't be in the gym. Real talk.
Oh the people I see at the gym. There's one guy who appears to have jaundice, although I've never actually seen anyone with jaundice so I don't know what it looks like. But he's yellow and so is his hair, and I'm not talking about blonde. Not making of fun, he's just interesting to look at. He's either really weird or has some other mental issues going on. Either way, love his dedication. Dude's in there everyday with me.
And there's this weird white man who always stares at me even though he's working out with his wife all the time. I'm not sure what that's about, but I think he admires the work ethic or something like that. He commented on something I was doing once or twice, but I told y'all I be payin' people dust; in one ear, out the other when I'm spoken to at the gym.
And there's this weird culture at my gym of magazine reading. And by at "my" gym I mean gyms across America. This is a great way to pass the time, but my stars, I saw a whole line of magazine readers on the stationary bikes last night and not one of them had a single bead of sweat on their body. America, this is unacceptable. One does not pay $65.99/mo. to sit on a bike, read a magazine, and create no sweat beads. You could do that is at home; just sit on your couch, make believe you're on a bike with your legs, and read. When I was at LifeTime I used to read the paper on the bike, but I always worked up a sweat. These book worms be all in the article and be forgettin' why they're there. Pitiful.
There's also this guy who counts out loud. America, don't do this. You learn in kinnie garten how to count silently to yourself. If you don't know that ish by 30, don't ever leave the house again. I should not hear you loudly counting out your reps. In other words, your external counting should not impede upon my internal count. Better yet, stop counting and just do the exercise until you physically can't do it anymore. That's better for you anyway, shoot. And that little piece of fitness advice was brought to you by me. Now go forth and spread the good word.
Counting Man also prances on the treadmill. I mean, technically he's running, but his run looks like a prance. If you can imagine a 6'0" man prancing...now hold onto that image for when times get tuff. The next time something goes wrong in your life, just remember: at least you don't prance on the treadmill. And he gestures with his hands too, but it's more like weird jerking then playing whatever instrument he's hearing in his iPod. He always catches my eye when I'm next to him on the stairmaster because he looks like he's swatting at something or about to fall off. As you can see, I get a great deal of joy from watching Counting Man.
I often wonder why God gave men the innate desire to be impressive to women. Men are such suckers. You'll lift until your arms fall off if you think a girl is looking at you. Or what's worse: you'll talk her to death while she's tryna get her fitness on. There was a lovely (couple?) at the gym last night on the treadmill. They were going at a fairly decent pace; this clearly wasn't their first time at the rodeo. But what was really funny about them: the guy kept trying to make convo with the girl and she clearly wasn't about that life in the moment. He just kept talking and talking...asking her questions and whatnot. But when she did respond, she gave one word answers.
This chick was for reals tryna get her fitness on: she had the treadmill incline up and had to have been going at least 4.0 speed on it...I mean, she was cookin'. Her male counterpart was too busy focusing on chatting her up to be about that treadmill life. He only started focusing on his treadmill when she literally stopped responding to him. Shame it had to come to that. If y'all aren't a couple, thou shall not be getting the digits after that one.
Monday, as always, was leg day. So I'm at the squat rack getting my squat on, right, and this little white girl starts using the assisted squat rack behind me. I pay her dust because I'm in my zone and I could feel a PR coming, but she was quite distracting because she kept walking around the weight area in search of something. Turns out she was looking for a pair of 10s. So adorable.
But anyways, I'm looking in the mirror and in my perif I can see her looking at me. Now mind you, but this point I'm probably squatting more than her body weight, literally. And like I said before, I was paying her dust. Why do I catch her giving me looks? For why? (always hated that phrase). Then later on I'm doing my circuit...she almost decapitated herself turning her head to look at me and give me sassy eye! For why?! Dust again. This isn't the first time I've gotten looks from females at the gym. I'm sure it's my physique, but I'm by no means a bodybuilder or fitness model, and I certainly don't sassy eye other girls I see that look better than me. I pay everyone dust at the gym actually...ain't got time to be comparing myself to anyone else. I do what works for me and I'm happy where I am.
Brown girls just usually stare but don't make faces. I'm sure their cutting me up in their minds (we're notoriously unfriendly to each other), but at least they're smart enough to not show their emotions. Sassing someone who can literally pick you up is a very dangerous game; if I can pick you up, imagine how hard I can drop you...
I realize I'm talking about white girls and brown girls a lot, but in all honesty, my gym isn't diverse at all. You're either brown or an upper class white person. I'm not complaining, just stating the facts. There are like 20 brown people, including myself and the gym staff. Everyone else is white. Oh, and there's this one light brown lady who's racially ambiguous, but we'll include her with the white people she certainly ain't brown.
So in between lifting extremely heavy weights and sweating a lot, the gym offers me a great deal of entertainment on the daily. Why wouldn't I want to go 5 days a week? How often is it that life gives you a 2-for-1 deal like that?!
Makeup for the Mall Not the Gym
 |
| Excuse the B word, but this is totally accurate. |
With that being said, I don't really see women doing too many ridic things at the gym. My issue with them is attire. I can't even with chicks that wear makeup to the gym. You're clearly not their to workout, you're looking for a date. Sad thing is, a fit girl getting her workout on is often just as sexy as a non-sweaty girl with a face full of makeup. Not to be racist, but this rule almost exclusively applies to white girls. Almost everyday I spy with my little eye someone wearing copious amounts of foundation and penciled on eyebrows. Now I understand you're coming from work/school and whatnot, but that's what makeup removers are for. I keep a pack in my gym bag for that very reason. I can't be sweating in eye shadow. For one, eye shadow + sweat = stinging blindness. Second, you mess around and forget you have that ish on and go to wipe your face...wipe off one eye and be lookin' like a psycho the whole time you're at the gym while you think you look cute. Guys will be looking at you, all right. They'll be trying to figure out why you only put makeup on one eye instead of two.
Sistas aren't excluded from this entirely. I've seen ladies, typically older ones with lipstick on. I don't get that either. That ain't even comfortable outside the gym; you can't be focusing on not rubbing your lipstick off and lifting weights. One does not squat 1.5x their body weight and focus on lipstick unless one has magical powers. Chances are if a guy is looking at you, he's intimidated by the amount of weight you're lifting and not your bright red lipstick.
High Fashion is for the the Runway Not the Gym
 |
| Here today, gone tomorrow haha |
Either Do it Right or Sit Down Somewhere
 |
| This is NOT the right way to do a bicep curl. |
As a (moderate?) buff girl who lifts for reals, I absolutely love watching guys watch me lift. Y'all do realize how mirrors work, right? If you can see me, there's a good chance I can see you. My favs are the ones that try to out lift me as though we're in this is some kind of unspoken competition. I'm curling 25s and you go grab 35s and strain your way to a torn bicep. Or the shoulder press...you know 45s are too heavy for you. Y U NO grab 25s? Just because I'm using 25 doesn't mean you can't. I use what weight is good for me, and I suggest you do the same. But if you insist upon "proving" your manhood, at least make sure I'm around to watch you make a spectacle of yourself.
Not properly lifting weights or lifting weight that is too heavy for you can cause serious injury and if you don't know that already, you shouldn't be in the gym. Real talk.
Awkward People Masquerading as Normal
Oh the people I see at the gym. There's one guy who appears to have jaundice, although I've never actually seen anyone with jaundice so I don't know what it looks like. But he's yellow and so is his hair, and I'm not talking about blonde. Not making of fun, he's just interesting to look at. He's either really weird or has some other mental issues going on. Either way, love his dedication. Dude's in there everyday with me.
And there's this weird white man who always stares at me even though he's working out with his wife all the time. I'm not sure what that's about, but I think he admires the work ethic or something like that. He commented on something I was doing once or twice, but I told y'all I be payin' people dust; in one ear, out the other when I'm spoken to at the gym.
 |
| Sometimes this face carries over into non-gym life. Which would certainly explain why I have no friends... |
And there's this weird culture at my gym of magazine reading. And by at "my" gym I mean gyms across America. This is a great way to pass the time, but my stars, I saw a whole line of magazine readers on the stationary bikes last night and not one of them had a single bead of sweat on their body. America, this is unacceptable. One does not pay $65.99/mo. to sit on a bike, read a magazine, and create no sweat beads. You could do that is at home; just sit on your couch, make believe you're on a bike with your legs, and read. When I was at LifeTime I used to read the paper on the bike, but I always worked up a sweat. These book worms be all in the article and be forgettin' why they're there. Pitiful.
*SN* Stop this. You're wasting the time of those who would actually like to use the machines and sweat on them.
There's also this guy who counts out loud. America, don't do this. You learn in kinnie garten how to count silently to yourself. If you don't know that ish by 30, don't ever leave the house again. I should not hear you loudly counting out your reps. In other words, your external counting should not impede upon my internal count. Better yet, stop counting and just do the exercise until you physically can't do it anymore. That's better for you anyway, shoot. And that little piece of fitness advice was brought to you by me. Now go forth and spread the good word.
Counting Man also prances on the treadmill. I mean, technically he's running, but his run looks like a prance. If you can imagine a 6'0" man prancing...now hold onto that image for when times get tuff. The next time something goes wrong in your life, just remember: at least you don't prance on the treadmill. And he gestures with his hands too, but it's more like weird jerking then playing whatever instrument he's hearing in his iPod. He always catches my eye when I'm next to him on the stairmaster because he looks like he's swatting at something or about to fall off. As you can see, I get a great deal of joy from watching Counting Man.
Desperadoes and the Dating Scene
I often wonder why God gave men the innate desire to be impressive to women. Men are such suckers. You'll lift until your arms fall off if you think a girl is looking at you. Or what's worse: you'll talk her to death while she's tryna get her fitness on. There was a lovely (couple?) at the gym last night on the treadmill. They were going at a fairly decent pace; this clearly wasn't their first time at the rodeo. But what was really funny about them: the guy kept trying to make convo with the girl and she clearly wasn't about that life in the moment. He just kept talking and talking...asking her questions and whatnot. But when she did respond, she gave one word answers.
***Fellas, one word answers a typically "girl" for please stop talking. ***
This chick was for reals tryna get her fitness on: she had the treadmill incline up and had to have been going at least 4.0 speed on it...I mean, she was cookin'. Her male counterpart was too busy focusing on chatting her up to be about that treadmill life. He only started focusing on his treadmill when she literally stopped responding to him. Shame it had to come to that. If y'all aren't a couple, thou shall not be getting the digits after that one.
Jealously & Envy are a Woman's Game
Monday, as always, was leg day. So I'm at the squat rack getting my squat on, right, and this little white girl starts using the assisted squat rack behind me. I pay her dust because I'm in my zone and I could feel a PR coming, but she was quite distracting because she kept walking around the weight area in search of something. Turns out she was looking for a pair of 10s. So adorable.
*SN* Ladies, if you can only bench using that lil' 2.5 lbs plate, just use the dumbbells. Don't take up bench pressing space with that ish. Gets my blood boiling every time I see it. DaFAQ is a 2.5 lbs?! Sit down somewhere.
 |
| Sassy eye. But sometimes it really is understandable. |
Brown girls just usually stare but don't make faces. I'm sure their cutting me up in their minds (we're notoriously unfriendly to each other), but at least they're smart enough to not show their emotions. Sassing someone who can literally pick you up is a very dangerous game; if I can pick you up, imagine how hard I can drop you...
Conclusions
I realize I'm talking about white girls and brown girls a lot, but in all honesty, my gym isn't diverse at all. You're either brown or an upper class white person. I'm not complaining, just stating the facts. There are like 20 brown people, including myself and the gym staff. Everyone else is white. Oh, and there's this one light brown lady who's racially ambiguous, but we'll include her with the white people she certainly ain't brown.
So in between lifting extremely heavy weights and sweating a lot, the gym offers me a great deal of entertainment on the daily. Why wouldn't I want to go 5 days a week? How often is it that life gives you a 2-for-1 deal like that?!
.jpg)
.jpg)
