The Gym Struggle

So since I divorced Insanity a few weeks ago I've been searching for a new gym, one that won't cost me my soul or look like the basement of someone's house.  Now I know gym memberships are a luxury in the grand scheme of life, especially in today's economy, but OMG America, this is not the business!  These gym prices are totally outrageous considering you don't spend anymore than an hour to an hour 'n' a half a day in them a couple times a week.  I cannot honestly see charging someone $60, $70, $80 dollars for a gym membership.  And then turning around and charging them monthly dues or forcing them to sign 12 month contracts.  Unacceptable.

That's why there are so many fat people in this country.

Here are some of the issues I'm encountering:

1. Too freakin' expensive
2. Low quality facility
3. Too far away
4. Ratchet people

Here are the gyms I've already checked out:

1. LifeTime in Columbia
• FANTASTICAL facility
• Too expensive
• $83/mo, no contract but you have to give 2 mo. notice when you leave.  I know, stupid.
• Parking is beyond horrible and it's past my house
2. Crunch Fitness in Chevy Chase
• It's underground; I wasn't expecting that.  And it's small.  I have a feeling it gets hella crowded around peak time
• $65/mo, no contract
• No sauna
3. LA Fitness in Laurel
• Adequate facility
• RATCHET people
• $40/mo, no contract
• Tiny sauna
4. Fitness Evolution in Laurel
• The size of a matchbox, ain't nobody got time for that
• $10/mo plus membership dues
• Gives me a weird vibe...can't really explain why
5. Retro Fitness in Jessup
• I like this one because of the tacky colors and the cardio theatre.
• $20/mo, 12 month contract, and an enrollment fee (WTF?!)
• There's one in my hometown.  I've never seen it, but that's what the website says.  Truth be told, I can't even picture anyone up there actually using it, but they get an A for effort
6. Sports Fit (both Laurel locations)
• RATCHET.  Not even worth mentioning
7. Exercise Nation in Ellicott City
• Nice but kinda far
• $40/mo, no contract

So as you can see, I've been around.  Why can't I find a gym like LifeTime with Retro Fitness' prices - that's probably too much to ask, isn't it...  But still, that's kinda what I'm going for.  Since I'm going to be spending so much time and money at it, I want quality.  My only requirements were a pool and a sauna.  Since LifeTime is the only place big enough to have a pool, I eliminated that one.  A sauna can't be too much to ask for, is it? I miss my sauna days at LifeTime... those were good times...

But honestly, I'm really leaning toward Retro Fitness because of that cardio theater and those colors.  Never seen a gym that loud before.  The only issue with that one is that it's kinda small and the last time I went up there there were like 19846146 people in it.  I know I can't expect there to be 5 people in there between 5-7, but it's hard to function when there are 1205467 people around you, and it takes longer because you have to wait for a machine. But we.shall.see how that goes.  I'm gonna stop by tonight and take a tour to see how things are one last time before I make a decision.  But to be frank, Retro's enrollment fee and that dang contract are probably what's gonna be the downfall for me.  I don't like to be locked into nothing.  Hell, I can barely stay locked into friendships.

The other option is Crunch Fitness only because within walking distance from my job, which would mean I could beat the crowd because it's so close AND I wouldn't have to drive home in rush hour traffic because by the time I finished there traffic better had should be fine.  But then again, $65 is steep.  Now we're in the LifeTime price category, which I was trying to avoid.  

There's also a good chance that I'm reading waaay too much into this whole gym thing, but remember:  DON'T JUDGE ZONE.
But I would be interested to hear which one you guys like best.

Food

Speaking of health, why is healthy food so daggone expensive?!  I mean, $5 for a thing of blueberries?! $3 for a pineapple?!  And don't get me started on the price of meat.  I'd say it's cheaper to be a vegetarian, but I doubt that's even true anymore.  It's cheaper to be fat 'n' unhealthy, shoot.  And Michelle Obama goes around promoting healthy lifestyles...she aught to be talking with her husband about getting the price of food down.  I shouldn't have to pay $4 for milk because I'm lactose intolerant, that's not a choice.  I'm not one of those fancy pants people who can drink the regular, cheap stuff but opts for the $4 soy milk because they're too good to drink milk that comes form a cow.  Every time I drink a cup of regular milk there's a 50/50 chance it'll light my stomach UP.  Who wants to live like that?!  Not this one.  But as a punishment for my insufficient stomach, I have to spend almost twice the amount for milk.  The other option is to not drink milk at all...which would then lead to calcium and vitamin D deficient.  So pretty much you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Real talk, I'm bout to just yell YOLO in the fruits 'n' veggies section of Wal-Mart the next time I go.